he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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