i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
