that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
