During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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