I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
