you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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