There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize