to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
