Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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