We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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