you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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