Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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