Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I could fuck to npr.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
