her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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