it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
