Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
