I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
