there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
