o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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