Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
