Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
