here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
