You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
