Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
