the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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