so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think a kid would responsible me up
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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