I think I died a long time ago.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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