im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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