I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize