She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
