You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
