So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
