he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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