Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
BRING THE BAGELS
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
