i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
