I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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