I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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