Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
