took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
