I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
