i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
