headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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