Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
