Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
