you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
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We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Randomize