I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
