Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
did i just pee glitter
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
