i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize