Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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