I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
id be glad to
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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