for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
