maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
