We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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