We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
