Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
