perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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