god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
