The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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