Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
