remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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