ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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