I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
