It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
