Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize