whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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