I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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