Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
