So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
