i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
