I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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