don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
