watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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