He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
