Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
