Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
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I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
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Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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