Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
