but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
