So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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