in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I love how my cats smell like pot.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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