What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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