Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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