I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
