my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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